Yesterday was a big day for me! You see, it was DAY ONE of starting all over again! I literally fell off my horse, so to speak, in my goal of losing weight and it has taken me over a year to get back on it. If you go through and read all my previous blog post, you can see how motivated I was when I started, back in January of 2011, to take my body back. But now, here I am, eleven pounds heavier. So, what the heck happened?
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED
After talking with my sister yesterday morning and my hubby, something must have gone off in my brain. My sister spent a good long while on the phone with me reminding me of all that I and my family had been through in the last year. She was talking to me about stress factors and as she was adding them up for me, it turned out to be quite a load of what the experts call the "biggies" in the stress department that we had experienced and we are even still going through, including a huge move out of state. She also shared what she had been doing for the last few weeks, going swimming and going to the track every evening. As I listened, something must have begun to start clicking in the right direction for me. So at the end of my business day, I looked up at my husband and said, "I am going for a walk." I went by myself and did a 30 minute, very brisk walk in my hilly and inclined neighborhood and I must say that I felt GREAT! Well, I was a bit winded as I walked rather briskly, but it was great to be moving. As I approached the last ten minutes, I could actually feel the muscles in my thighs begin telling me about it and I LOVED IT! I was finally out of my rut, doing SOMETHING! THANK GOD!
While walking, I thought, I should get back on my blog, record my efforts and try once gain with that as well. So, when I got in from my walk, I went back to very first post and read through all of my previous 33 posts here on the 52 Club. My heart was stirred, saddened and observant of what had derailed me. I read about my great progress in the beginning and my genuine enthusiasm. But by my third week into working out, and taking new steps toward my goal, I had gotten really sick and was bedridden for an entire week. Understandably, that had knocked me off my routine and had slowed down my momentum a little. But, as I continued to read, I saw that I had gotten back up. So, what was it then that had caused me to finally give up?
As I read my second to the last post, I noticed that I had made reference to some "family drama." I only had one post after that. I stopped and remembered what the drama was and realized it had probably been the turning factor. I really think that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me in giving up. It seemed to be the ultimate culprit that created so much mental and emotional drain for me that I really believe it was the cause of my demise of my personal goals and focus. I don't believe nor intend to use it as an excuse, but honeslty have concluded it played a much bigger part than I had even realized. You see, I had discovered that one of my most precious and sweetest family members had been going through some horrible and continual emotional abuse by her new sister-in-law. I was devasted to learn all the horrific details! The pain of her abuse, the extend of it and all the injustice and the bizarre turn of events of cover up by the abuser and her family was just more than I could take. To top it off, they ended up actually twisting the truth and blaming my abused family member and even myself rather than owning up to the 2+ years of abuse. Talk about evil! It was just plain awful! I let it psyche me out, distract me and most of all suck the very life out of me. I lost my focus and honestly became depressed about the hopelessness of the situation. Most of all, I slowly began to take my eyes off the Lord and the weight of the situation ironically became the weight on my body.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
It is a bummer to have stopped what was a great beginning of really taking my body back! And of course I regret that now. But as I am starting over again, I am hopefully all the wiser about keeping my focus on my ultimate desitnation and the goals I have to accomplish to get me there. I have learned that I have to take better care of myself, not just physically, but emotionally too. I have to make taking care of me a top priority or I am no good to anyone else, especially my family! I have to remember to give all my cares to the Lord DAILY and trust him to make a way where there seems to be no way. I have to remember that God is for me, so who can be against me. I have learned to remind myself to stay focused on God and his faithfulness, his grace and that he will somehow, someway, someday work everything out for good. One good thing already has been that I have also learned a lot more about abuse, why people do it and why others allow it. (Even started a facebook group called, "Understanding Abuse" that has been an encouragement to myself and others.)
Lastly, I have learned this: Today turns into yesterday and if you don't choose to do something today for your tomorrow, your tomorrows will always look just like yesterday. So, by the grace of God, yesterday I chose to start all over again to take my body back!
THIS TIME AROUND....
This time around, I am going to try and use this blog as more of a journal and logging my activities. I want to keep the blogging less of a burden and to encourage myself with baby steps of my progress. By progess, I literally mean, just doing SOMETHING! I have seriously been so mentally and emotionally highjacked that I am convinced the battle is more in my mind than anywhere else. So, I will do daily activity post that will be just for recording the action I took for the day towards reaching my goals. Then from time to time, (rather than trying to do so daily like before) I'll post motivation and inspiration post that help me and maybe they will help some of you guys too! If you want to join in on the daily activity post, for your own accountability or just to have some group support, I'd love it! You can add comments and say something like - "Hey, I walked a mile today. Yay me!" or whatever. I am even considering renaming the blog, but still undecided on that one.
Meanwhile, I am hoping that my starting over again may inspire others who have stopped and started themselves; maybe even several times. So, as I am getting back up on the saddle and I ride this old familiar horse of losing unwanted pounds to get my health and body back, I hope you will join me. I will leave you with this quote from a very famous singer and I hope you will take it as a challenge and be inspired along with me:
"Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." ~ Frank Sinatra
Let's get going girlies!